Chronicle of Nobody (Second Chapter) ⇒ Kirno Sohochari

The philosophy of pickpocket

The traffic sergeant signals me to show my driving license. I tell him, “Sorry Sir, I forget to take it, but trust me I have licensed for safe driving. I know the traffic rules and always try to following it as a dutiful citizen of the country. Please forgive me. I am innocent and be trustful to the honorable government. Please let me leave Sir.”

The vested sergeant shrugs his shoulder by rebuffing me, “You stupid! Do not try to foolish me. I know you people very well, so shut your mouth and do not try to act like an angel. Okay. Show me the National ID and proved that you are not a culprit. Show me your dutiful citizenship quickly. I have lot to do in highway, so do not waste my time. Show your ID quick.”

These roads are not for vagabonds. I am dutiful here to pickpocket your money for the sake of the state.

My embarrassed and bashful tone tells him, “Sorry sir, I have no ID yet. It is my fault that I was forgetting to register my identity and submitted it to the state, but do not worry Sir, I will register me by tomorrow. Please forgive me for this fault and give me a little chance to survive. I promise that I will submit the identity to prove that I am dutiful to the honorable Prime Minister of the state.”


The traffic sergeant is laughing loudly when I am requesting him to release me. The dutiful man hit my back with his polished baton, “You fucking asshole! What do you think about me? I am foolish! How dare you to say this that you have no ID yet! Tell me, who give you the permission to moving on the street like a vagabond?

Freaky bastard, from where you get the courage and driving on the highway without any identity. Tell me, who is behind you? I think you are a bloody terrorist. Now let move with me. I know what you are hiding in your devil head and notorious stomach. Do not worry my friend, I know how to wringing your head and stomach. The interrogation cell is perfect for you; when I am wringing your anus there and you will spew the identity without any delay. Now let move for the interrogation.”

The cop is angered to see that I have no identity yet. He handcuffs me and then kicked me from the behind to the van. I even then tell him, “Dear Sir, trust me once, I am not a terrorist. I never see any terrorist in my life. I am an ordinary servant of the state and if you never mind, I want to pay the fine you charged to me. Please take this money and leave me to submit my identity for the sake of state and our honorable state head. Please sir doing me a favor for the last time.”

The police officer is watching me when I was busy to requesting him. He is glancing at me by doubt and then downward his voice to me, “You cunning bastard! Why do you have taken a long time to tell me this? You think I cannot guess anything! You are finding the opportunity to deceit me. Anyway, show me the pocket. How much you have on your moneybag.”

It is an upsetting moment for me that my moneybag is not fatty and carries a little amount of money. The amount is too small even for the fine. I tell him with shameful tone, “Pardon me sir, there is a very little with me. I forget to fill it with extras. Trust me Sir, if you permit me to go, I will pay the fine and the extras as well. I promised to you that I will keep my word and paid everything for the sake of state. Please Sir; please give me a chance to pay my debt to you. I am your servant and a promise keeper. Please let me prove to my honesty to the state head.”


The policeman gets angry to see that I am almost a penniless nothing. He smacks my waist by his lather boot. The pain is extreme to bear but I tried to inhibit the pain with great patience. The cop then whispering to me, “You dirty asshole! Who give you the access to drive your vehicle with an empty pocket? You are the state criminal. Your parents are bloody fool. They failed to teach you that driving vehicle in an empty pocket is a crime.

You are a foul-headed Guy. It is my state responsibility to put you in jail, but I think you are not worthy for the prison. I can easily put you in lockup but it would be a burden for the state. You are a lazy vagabond with an empty pocket. Prison is not for feeding you. I think your presence in the prison will contaminate everything. You are the stink of the society. I am sure that the prisoner will feel shame to see you.

You bloody moron, your wife not telling you that the jail and the road are only for cutpurse. You waste my energy and hampering the today’s collection. These roads are not for vagabonds. I am dutiful here to pickpocket your money for the sake of the state. You need to learn this from your wife that how can she pickpockets your moneybag. However, give me the moneybag and getting out of my sight. My eyes will keep watching you from the next. Don’t be forgetful to register your identity by tomorrow; otherwise I will kill you bastard.”

I rub my waist for a little moment and then ride on my vehicle by saluting the traffic sergeant with great pleasure, “Thank you Sir. I will register my existence by tomorrow and never be forgetful that identity and money are identical to live in the society. They are urgent for you to drive on the asphalted highways of the honorable state. Thank you to remind me the truth again that the roads and highways of the state are designed for pickpocketry.