**Dancing with mathemagician: A reader’s story and footnotes**

**…**

In my school life, I was perhaps one of the few who had a great fear on mathematics. I was not like a Tomboy but defiant to escape classes that I dislike, especially the math class. Instead of I felt comfort to see me in literature or biology class, even in sometime physics and chemistry, but not the math. My mind, I don’t know why, got anxious to see the mathematical sign and numbers. However, there was no chance to escape the math equations, geometrical figures and lot class-test on math issues before final exam, and I always got poor number as well. My school friends teased me for the fear, having fun to call me the “math-phobic”, and I was truly that.

… that means he wanted to win over the math-phobia by forgetting the time and energy losses.

Majority of my friends and classmate preferred math and physics better than literature and so-called discipline. They could solve the math equation just like the quick learners where I was very sluggish and blunt among the genius. I loved to read poetry, mythical stories, adventures novelettes, sex-provoking adult books or comics in secretly, on even hard essays (not matching my age) about the true purpose of life.

I studied these contents with great thrill to discover something that is new and yet unknown to the all (even the adults). They brought for me the fresh air (which I think), was coming to the unknown blue ocean. I just floated my raft to rowing the deep blue ocean. I imagined me as an actor of these thrilling unknown events. School (particularly the math class) was, seemed to me a boring place than this venture, to take a flight in the high tropical realm of unknown mysteries.

Our math teacher was an attractive woman with stylish outfit. She was yet even unmarried and I preferred to follow her curvatures and always stumbled on her baffling beauties like a prodigal pervert. She knew that I’m weak in math and all most time she ordered stands me on the bench or handed over the white chalk to solve the math equation in chalkboard. It was easy for me to draw her complex curvatures in chalkboard than the arithmetical equations or algebras.

As usual, this funny thing happened what has estimated to be. My chalkboard mission always finished drawing an ambiguous equation and wrong arithmetic with smashing laughter of my classmates, air-twisting and kneel-downed punishment by the beautiful math teacher. Assuredly, I was a shameless boy to hide the desire in mind that she call me to the chalkboard for math equation, because it was a chance for me to get closer her, counting the beautiful curvatures (it seemed to me the numbers and geometric arithmetic) and smell the fragrance she hides behind her apparently obscured black eyelashes.

A form doesn’t mean anything special and unique in knowledge.

Anyway, the beautiful woman not stayed here very long and left the city after marriage. Then a new macho man appointed for the math class, we everybody was feared to see the man. He was brilliant in math equations but not much friendly to the boys despite his handsome outlook. He talked a lot about the history of mathematics and tried to prove that **there is nothing could exist beyond over the mathematical formulas and exponents**. I think he had the philosophical attitude to find the connection between everything relevant to the arithmetical laws but his style of teaching was not placid for us to realize the beauty of these equations.

I lost my even the minimal passion to keep in touch with math and fell down in depression to think that I’m a total rubbish for the competition to achieve better grade in the class. I started compare me to the famous arithmetician Jadav’s infamous math solving equation of “The oily Bamboo and the Monkey”. **It was such an abstract and philosophically disturbing equation, that I yet even not understand it very well**.

The equation is pictorial with allegory. Let think that a monkey tried to climb upon an oily bamboo. He climbed 3 meters in a minute, but going down 2 meters in next 1 minute, if the bamboo’s height is 50 meters, then how much time he needed to climb the top of the bamboo.

It was indeed very tricky to measure the exact time of the monkey. Practically he climbed 1 meter in 2 minutes, if we deduct the climbing 3 meters from the skidding 2 meters, that is (3-2=1 meter), if it is true, he takes 2 minutes to climbed each 1 meter, that means he needed 100 minutes (2*50=100) to reach the top, and should never skied down again.

Fact is that, the total height of the bamboo is 50 meters here. The monkey rides 3 meters in each 1 minute, and then skids 2 meters by next 1 minute. It means he actually climbed 47 meters (50-3=47), that is he climbs 94 meters in 2 minutes (47*2=94), and if he wanted to ride the peak he must have climbed the rest 3 meters in 1 minute; that is the actual time he needed here is 95 (50-3=47*2=94+1=95).

**The last 3 meters equations altered the scenario of early 47 meters, where many probable events could occur to change the arithmetic by moment**. Nothing is certain here. We everybody tried to ride the peak by climbing the oily bamboo and life go on according the rules of uncertain “ups-and-down” quandary. Where, math tried to draw the equation-line under certain “so-and-so” condition, because you never moves forward if you not try to measure everything by depending on the probable conditions.

I don’t know who fixed this game for us, but *reality is you have to think mathematically, if you understand your rules here*. Mathematical equations explained the probable outcome of life to measure the chances you have. Life does depends on chance, ability, assumption and lot other uncertain calculation to climb the oily bamboos at last. In that sense, **every mathematical equation reflects the essence of existential beauties and agonies**. Math is imagined by human, and it was imagined to calculate the ultimate imagery that, from where these entities begun, where they now stand on, and where could be going to the rest.

I think this called “Choroibati”, the great essence of Vedic philosophy that everything is moving here autonomously for the “unknown uncertain next”…

However, the math-phobia in my boyhood I think was not negative all. I punished many time by schoolteacher for Jadav’s infamous arithmetic (air twisting, kneel down etc.), but this dodgy puzzle taught me to watch and think about everything related to my surface and to be the life indeed. **I came to a decision that I’ll never run to win the relay race of stood good grade in school**, rather to be, I dedicate my effort to watch everything, even get experienced about everything (good or bad) I liked to watch.

I think this frivolous decision helped me to dive deeper into the “everything” that I treated now seen and unseen, modest or obscene. I came to the realization (despite the depression of I’m going to be a looser) that I yet even not being like the monkey but have to be. The monkey is restless to climb the oily bamboo in spite the risk of skidding, that means he does not treat the bamboo as impossible for climbing, **that means he wanted to win over the math-phobia by forgetting the time and energy losses**. It was a great motivation for me.

I imagine the monkey as a creature who is aloof to calculate all the losses, except the formidable confidence that he must climbed the peak, rather to down in the phobia that he could not. The Jadav’s puzzle helped me to think that, after next I will not care about anything which creates fear and turned to the phobia syndrome, as like my math-phobia. I will just ignore it and will try to adjust with it so far I can, but never imposed my mind to overrate the phobia.

Anyway, everything was going as usual outside the change (which also noticed by my classmates even) that I’m not the same boy as I was. **They see me to ignore the critical mathematical quandary such an ease that nothing could happen there.** Few of them were also pathetic in math just like me but they were very careful to show the weakness in open daylight. These boys were very pretentious to the act that, math is the easiest and funny game in Olympiad, and I’m the funniest loser of this game. I ignored them to keep me busy in lot other stuffs.

… every mathematical equation reflects the essence of existential beauties and agonies.

I was lucky, because, though they teased me for the phobia but liked a lot to converse and play with me. They liked to hear stories about my last exotic experiences I have got in the tea garden to chase behind the wild rabbits. I was the transmitter who transmits to them the last melancholic jingles of tea gardens, whisper of wild bushes, cloggy smell of tall trees and indeed the mystic communication capacities of red ants.

I liked to talk with trees (because I believed the trees can talks), could watch the red ants hour-and-after (this little creatures are truly a watchable matter), and can easily visualize the phantoms to their feared eyes. The imagery “oily bamboo and monkey riddle” driven me to the philosophy that, **if you lost to solve one equation then never stuck on it, try next for another equation, and if lose it, okay, try another next… and this is life.**

I think this called “Choroibati”, the great essence of Vedic philosophy that everything is moving here autonomously for the “unknown uncertain next”, under the circle of birth-death and reincarnation of everything to wheeling the chariot of life. The motion of the circle is truly mathematical if anybody thinks of it arithmetically, but **the motion itself “unconscious” about the sine, cosine, numbers or the geometrical lines and dots**.

The Indian philosophy once discovered the “relation and contradiction” of “Self and Creation” to depend on the linguistic noun, verb and idioms of Sanskrit, where observation and evidence was calculated (also judged) according to the logical series of debate (which they called Veda Bichar), whereas the Greek philosophy discovered the same dialect in a mathematical model.

… reality is you have to think mathematically, if you understand your rules here

**Both forms I think represent the beauty of intersections**… where the Sanskrit words are climbs upon the extreme abstraction to tell something about reality, and anybody now can easily convert or interpret the “abstraction” to use mathematical sign or models. On the opposite, Greek mathematical notions skids down in the ground to brief about the reality, and it could be convertible in language like the Indians.

**A form doesn’t mean anything special and unique in knowledge.** Uniqueness depends on to the usability of the form that in which distance we could use the “form” effectively tells something about the hidden interrelation between all “visible” and “invisible” entities. The great Indian minds once used the Sanskrit lexicons and grammar to build the arithmetic (and geometric) model of universe and so on, where the great Greek minds used math-sphere to the opposite. **Both had abstraction capacity to imagine something logical and that is the main de facto here.** You need something which is capable to converts your thinking for grand abstraction, so that you could get, recover or reconstruct some new meaning from the used “forms”.

Today mathematics serves the purpose in a great extent and extends the beautification of abstractness by contributing new pragmatic (also metaphysical indeed) meaning of reality. **What we need is to interpret the beauty of mathematics to the common people**, who I think “bit phobic” like me in mathematics.

The last 3 meters equations altered the scenario of early 47 meters, where many probable events could occur to change the arithmetic by moment.

My today’s author Dywiann Xyara is doing the same fantastic job in her self-operated blog “Mathematical Surrealism”. I suddenly stumbled on her blog, as I was stumbled on GoAnney Growney’s blog and never late to share it (please see the post: **Intersection-reality: where poetry meets mathematics**.) to my readers. GoAnney herself own the title of mathematician, having scholarly professional to the subject. Her poetical effort (and linked up contribution to other poet) is indeed great, but she has an authorized background to relate the two intersected beauties in one frame.

Xyara’s case is separate here. **She lived in Germany as an artist but adapted her artistic soul into the scientific notions (especially math and physics).** I know every inch of any artwork (poetry, painting, or anything else) silently carry the inner diagram of arithmetical logic and could explain by mathematical formulation, but it’s not easy today to explain mathematical signage in a poetical form by maintain the allegorical beauty of poetry itself.

our education system (both developed and less developed country) perhaps losing the easy contact to visualize the inner beauty and interrelation of any discipline for the students.

I don’t know how, but Xyara do this such an ease that I simply get astonished with regrets that: *why I came to a decision in my boyhood (and later after long days) to ignore the mathematics as “not my dish to eat”!* Why I chase behind the many “false” just to realize that, “I’m existed and really connected or contradict with things that is existed”.

**Xyara’s simplified poetic style is indeed my first experience where I see something educative for the math-phobic even.** I believe readers will realize it by their own self to reading the mathematical terminology (includes all this sign of sine, cosine, phi, oxymora and lot) in poetic gesture. I just wished to praise her effort to mention some objective points:

I. Xyara’s mathematical surrealism nicely adapted the** inner meaning of mathematical sign and notions** and she used all these in poetry such an ease that readers can easily understand the mainframe.

II. This is perhaps my first experience where I see the **mathematical signage talks like a character**. Sine, cosine, phi, oxymora, quantum sequences… all these here beautifully represented as a live character, so that they could throw their statement (who they are, why they are, and for what they are doing in this reality) by own. Technically, it sounds great and I really imagine their vibrancy during reading.

**The success of any artwork (especially poetry) is to supply some imagery allegory so readers can visualize these to their mind.** Xyara’s mathematical syllables and theories fill the demand and I was seeing them in front of my eyes… dancing with great ecstasy to express the inner meaning of everything. This characterization of mathematical symbols (includes the logic and notions) maybe not new but Xyara treat them as like a human character (who can talk, converse to the poet as a proper noun)… this approach is new and effective indeed.

III. Playing with math symbols and interlinked them to the philosophical quandary is not an easy matter, but **Xyara brushed her canvas just like the spontaneous artist**, who is well concerned about the objective of what is going to be here in the canvas.

I choose nine poems here and each poem has an ability to converse the readers about the notion that, “how can we denoted the universal laws according to the mathematical laws and other discipline.”

Readers, there is lot can talk about Xyara’s mathematical surrealism, includes the positive sight and negativity of her poetics. There is a space here to raise the question that “**what surrealism really does mean to the end and what she does mean by this.**” Realistic readers can raised doubt about her poetic allegory that she missed the literal vibrancy of life that mathematics is for life; instead of she swept the “Self” to the whimsical metaphysics by forget that: **math is a pragmatic science to explain the less pragmatic (idealistic platonic) world**. They can oppose the summary of her poetry wanted to tell us.

I’m not interested at the moment to tell and discussed about this lot and lot. Because, I considered her simplicity is helpful to those readers, who are alike mine… have desire to touch the skin of math and soon escape to consider it as to think that it is “beyond my understanding”.

… his style of teaching was not placid for us to realize the beauty of these equations.

I think Xyara not wrote this all for those people who are smart and progressive on math (perhaps they consider it trivial for them, because here the poet narrates the function of math-signs includes her *self-ideological* notion, and could perhaps find wrong explanation be.). **She depicted the diagram for common readers** who have ability to think critical, they can philosophize the critical (even if it math or physics and so on) but escape to the landscape by seeing the giant complexity of language. It is necessary to **illustrate the giant pictorial for common**, so that they could think on it by using their conscious intellect.

Xyara’s little effort provoked me to think and dual again with the notion that “Who I am and who the “am” really is to mean for I “am”.” Her mathematical artwork provoked me to memorized my boyhood (and fornicated adulthood) that our education system (both developed and less developed country) **perhaps losing the easy contact to visualize the inner beauty and interrelation of any discipline for the students**.

She knew that I’m weak in math and all most time she ordered stands me on the bench or handed over the white chalk to solve the math equation in chalkboard.

I suffered a lot in my entire education life to adjust or adapt with the so-called mechanized teaching system, where objective of education is not to provoke the student for knowledge and creativity, for knowing their “self”, even the technique is just trying to whitewash the million “Self”, **so they could live a mechanized life**, beyond over knowledge and creativity. When you think knowledge is a product that could be sale and purchase, division is inevitable, which we seen today… in everywhere of the globe… maybe in different context.

**World is truly divided now by the knowledge-elites and knowledge-labor groups**. One is creating knowledge and other is using it lacking any question that why he uses it and what be the purpose of it in his life. Today we are living this life under the knowledge-slavery, created and manipulated by knowledge-elites.

Before end, I wished to back my boyhood again. My educational authority (guardians and class teachers) were worried (and disturbed) to think about my bizarre math-phobia and tried a lot to pull me out, but their effort went in vain. Lately the school authority advised my parents to transfer me the humanity group, because my math-phobia seemed beyond treatable to them, **and I transferred and then exiled from the science for rest of my education life**, before started the “self reading” process by my own, and still I continued this as a learner of this vast areas.

Assuredly, I was a shameless boy to hide the desire in mind that she call me to the chalkboard for math equation, …

I think this life changing decision of the school authority and the parents was not correct on those days of my boyhood. Because, **they solved the problem to consider my future career, but not even felt any minimum urge to visualize the beauty**, creativity and inter-chained-relation of math with other discipline, which I now able to recognize by the “self effort”. It could happen in my boyhood if they just addressed my interest (in little respect) and tried to connect it with the hidden beauties of math. **I think the approach yet staying in our society even today.**

Xyara’s poem tried to stroke very little to break the wall at least, and this post is my homage to her, so that the effort could wider at future to break the walls between knowledge-elite and knowledge-phobic.

**…**

**Beyond the Borders of our Understanding**

*by Dywiann Xyara*

Can you see

beyond the complexity

of simplicity?

Beyond the borders

of our understanding

lie orders

far beyond our reasoning.

Sine and cosine – Sequences

that never end;

How can you even comprehend

their nature of helices?

Beyond the borders

of our limited view

lie uncountable wonders

that always grew.

How can you even grasp

what lies beyond our imagination?

How can you dare to fill the gap

of a very intertwined contradiction?

That, my dear,

means trying something new,

taking another view

and killing one’s own fear.

**Originally posted in Beyond the Borders of our Understanding, Category: Mathematical Surrealism Blog. Published Date: 2016/08/21 **

**…**

**Elementary Particles of Numbers**

*by Dywiann Xyara*

I am

what I am.

I am the elementary particle

of whole numbers, and a mathematical fundament

appearing to be utterly random and chaotic, yet full of magic.

You might think I am just chaotic, just a number, a random figure.

But I have to tell you I’m far more than that, for I am a prime number.

I’m the elementary particle of numbers; if you split me you can’t, because I’m a master of my own!

**Originally posted in Elementary Particles of Numbers, Category: The exploration of numbers on Mathematical Surrealism Blog. Published Date: 2016/09/04**

**…**

**Abstractions of Reality**

*by Dywiann Xyara*

The abstraction of logic

is the best evidence

that logic itself

is a kind of creativity.

It’s indeed a creative act

to discover the laws of nature

and to overthink them

to summarize them

in simple equations.

Mathematical abstraction

is the highest form of abstraction itself,

yet I have to say

that physical laws should have

mathematical beauty as well.

Reality is such a bizarre construct

that can’t be easily reconstructed

for it’s so complex

if we zoom into the details

and think about the big puzzle as well.

And, let me tell you,

the devil lies in the details,

for nothing is ever smooth

in the physical world

of fractal-like patterns.

**Originally posted in Abstractions of reality, Category: Beauty of Abstraction on Mathematical Surrealism Blog. Published Date: 2016/08/21**

**…**

**Misconception of Chaos**

*by Dywiann Xyara*

You may say

I’m random,

but, my dear,

that’s not the case!

I follow rules

like in your deterministic views.

But you have to know

I’m very sensitive to change.

I’m a complex system

of my own,

not as easy

as in your simplified view.

Can you see the structures

deep within?

Can you recognize the patterns

deep inside my heart?

I am chaos;

I am not randomness;

I am order

in a very twisted sense!

**Originally posted in Misconception of Chaos, Category: Into the Heart of Chaos Theory on Mathematical Surrealism Blog. Published Date: 2016/09/10**

**…**

**Contradictory Tautology**

*by Dywiann Xyara*

If I’m true and false at the same time

I’m a contradiction,

yet it’s a tautology in turn.

So what if I’m

true or false

and false and true?

What if I’m red and blue,

but not pink

in turn?

If I’m a symbiosis

of one and zero,

why am I not an in-between?

Superposed, I am,

that’s all

I truly am!

**Originally posted in Contradictory Tautology, Category: Logical Mysteries on Mathematical Surrealism Blog. Published Date: 2016/08/27**

**…**

**Oxymora**

*by Dywiann Xyara*

I’m a wrong tautology,

a broken analogy

of a true contradiction

that lost all direction.

Directionless I walk,

vectors become closed loops;

Wordless I talk,

collecting vectors into uncountable groups.

I’m a true contradiction,

don’t falsify me

or you’ll lose all your affection

towards everything I used to be.

I’m the burning ice

of a predictable dice,

the frozen fire

of your very last desire.

All I can hear

is the void of tranquillity,

the mirrored reality

in which I am, now and here!

**Originally posted in Oxymora, Category: Logical mysteries on Mathematical Surrealism Blog. Published Date: 2016/08/28**

**…**

**Phi Dance**

*by Dywiann Xyara*

The sequence starts;

One plus one equals two,

continues; one and two is three;

two and three gives us five…

Phi,

my little friend,

a constant of the approximative value

one comma six one eight!

A ratio

so golden

and a sequence

so pure!

Numbers are juggle balls;

Play around,

my beloved mathemagicians,

and see; It’s all just a game!

Divide one by one,

two by one,

three by two,

five by three,

eight by five

and see:

It will dance around

a mysterious axis,

in this case

called “phi”.

Oscillate,

my little numbers;

dance around the axis

of pure mysteries!

One plus the square root of five

divided by two

creates a number’s hive

of beautiful patterns recognized by you!

**Originally posted in Phi Dance, Category: The Exploration of Numbers on Mathematical Surrealism Blog. Published Date: 2016/09/06**

**…**

**Quantum Mechanical Melodies**

*by Dywiann Xyara*

Melodies so nice and melancholic,

yet filled with incredible joy

feed one’s own depression

with a kind of pure euphoria.

And in the eye of opposites

the nicest sounds arise

in the light

of the blackest black.

And when the sound waves come together

to fusion, to interact

they form a melody so pure and complex,

yet so ultimately simple in its core.

These melodies form echoes,

deafening and wide,

loud and calm,

and both at the same time as well…

They form a duality

of twisted reality,

an equivalence of two.

**Originally posted in Abstractions of reality, Category: Sounds of Physical Reality on Mathematical Surrealism Blog. Published Date: 2016/08/22**

**…**

**World is truly divided now by the knowledge-elites and knowledge-labor groups.**

**World is truly divided now by the knowledge-elites and knowledge-labor groups.**